1st Grade Theology

I learned last spring while I was student teaching that there would be many lessons that God would reveal to me through the little lives that He put in my classroom every day. I suppose that since Jesus delighted in children so much in the Bible that often times He chooses to teach me through them instead of teaching them through me. I absolutely love the children God has placed in my classroom this year. I have had a few come and a few go, but as of right now I have 22 students--16 boys and 6 girls. Yes, I (and my 6 sweet girls) covet your prayers on a daily basis :)

With the boy to girl ratio in my classroom, there is NEVER a dull moment. Someone always has a story to tell, an illness that needs to be cured, a booboo from getting hit, a joke to tell, a fight to be settled, a shoe that needs to be tied, a question to be asked, and the list goes on and on. I come home every day with a thousand stories to tell Nathan and he always knows which kids to ask me about, knowing that they had to have done something interesting that day. I love it.

Many of the lessons God has already taught me through these 6 and 7 year olds have been straight-forward, black and white, convicting lessons. To have such sweet little children be the vessel through which He teaches me makes it even clearer when He's trying to get my attention. Though I have felt guilty at times by the realization of areas that need to be changed, it is always refreshing and I am always so thankful that God is using these kids in my life way more than He's using me in their lives. So at the end of the day, I usually feel very at peace with what I've seen and learned.

However, yesterday was a bit of a different story. We were pushing chairs in, putting backpacks on, chatting about the weekend, and lining up to go home when I remembered I needed to grab something off of my desk. Everyone was lined up at the door and as I turned around and walked back to my desk, I noticed one of my adorable students standing behind my desk. I gave the child a smile and a funny look and said,"What are you doing over there?" No response. I walked closer and asked again. Still no response, but this time there was a bug-eyed smile. I repeated the question again and in response she held up her backpack. As the backpack was being held up, I caught a glimpse of a page of stickers in the other hand. At just that moment the stickers fell to the ground and the she continued holding the backpack in the air. I walked around this very guilty looking child, knowing what had happened. I sat down in my chair and picked the stickers up off of the floor. I looked into her big blue eyes and asked, "Where did these stickers come from?" Silence. So, I proceeded to spend 3 or 4 minutes asking many questions like, "How did these stickers get out of my drawer?" and "Why were you behind my desk?". (The kids know that they have their space and I have my space and that they are not allowed to be behind my desk without permission.) I continued to question her in a very tender and calm way, hoping that she would see that I was not angry or mad, but only looking for the truth. I was very kind in the way I approached her and reminded her that admitting what she did and being honest is always better than not telling the truth. She began to cry and repeat over and over "I didn't do it!" And that's when my heart sunk. My eyes filled with tears. If it wasn't for the fact that she had to be on the bus in 3 minutes, I would have cried with her.

My heart sunk and I wanted to cry my eyes out because I realized in that moment that this sweet little girl had sinned. Now, please don't think I am being extreme here; I do have a point. This little girl had taken a page of stickers out of my drawer without permission and then proceeded to lie about it. I tried to be so graceful in talking with her hoping that she would see that the truth is always better than a lie. However, she didn't. She didn't want to admit she was wrong because she knew there were consequences coming. In that moment, as I stared into her eyes and saw how hard she was trying to hold on to innocence and convince me she hadn't done anything wrong, I was heartbroken because I was reminded of the depravity in which we are when we don't know Jesus.

The Bible is full of scripture that reminds us of what we are without Christ:

"Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me." Psalm 51:5

"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature." -Romans 8:18

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is not at work in those who are disobedient." -Ephesians 2:1-2

"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God." Romans 3:10-11

"...For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23

We were born into sin. We are sinful people by nature. We are dead in our sins and transgressions. We live in darkness. We are lost. We are lonely. We are in need. And that need is for forgiveness that only comes through a Savior. What struck me during this conversation with my unswerving student was that before we can be forgiven, before we can be healed, before we can be renewed and given new life, we have to acknowledge our need. My sweet little girl could not come to grips with her mistake. She didn't want to acknowledge what she had done for many different reasons. It broke my heart because she didn't see her fault. She didn't see her need. But I did. I saw her mistake. I saw her need. And I couldn't do anything about it. I was helpless before her because in that moment, nothing I could have said would have convinced her that the truth was better.

24 hours later I am still thinking about her and the stickers. Not because the stickers were a big deal, but because I want her to know Jesus. After telling Nathan the story last night, we talked about what it will be like one day when our own children make mistakes. When they steal, tell a lie, or sin in some other way. When we sit down to talk about what they've done, they will most likely deny their failures at least once, if not many, many times. How painful will it be to sit and look into their eyes and know that they don't see their sin. They don't see their need. And know at the same time, we cannot convince them. Only God can change their hearts.

So, what has God shown me through this day in the classroom? Pray, pray, pray for the kids in my class. I want them to know Jesus so badly. Pray for my own children that I don't even have yet. That God would work in their lives every day, even as they are young children figuring out right and wrong. Lead my children by example. When I am caught in sin and I continue in sin without acknowledging where I have gone wrong, my kids will learn from me and do the same. I pray even now that the Holy Spirit would give me grace to confess my sins and run away from them in order to seek Jesus. He is light. He is life. He is truth. He is better.