"I Want Jesus."

Last night my oldest and I were driving home from church after fishing, rock throwing, and paddle boating out at a farm that belongs to the family of one of our youth kids. Em had a blast with her "big kids" and was very chatty from all of the energy she had conjured up throughout the night. As we were driving I noticed a lightning storm in the distance and pointed it out to her. It became a game of seeing who could see the lightning in the clouds first. As we watched I asked her, "Em, do you know who made that lightning?" She said no, so I asked her, "Who do you think made that lightning?" She immediately spouted out, "Jesus!" I told her yes, Jesus made that lightning. This started a discussion of what God made that was all around her. Among the list of things she came up with were trees, grass, mud, and animals. I always remind her during these creation discussions that she is one of the beautiful things that God made, as well as her brothers, her mommy and daddy and even her sweet dog, Crosby. She reminded me that Jesus loves and takes care of us. We talked about where Jesus was and where he lived and then the sweetest, most genuine words I've ever heard this child speak came out of her mouth: "Mommy, I want Jesus." Those words kind of stopped me in my tracks. If you could have heard the serious sincerity in the tone of her voice, they would have stopped you in your tracks too.

Now, let me be up front and tell you this is not a blog about how amazing my four year old is in her theology or how awesome of a mom I am because she is so spiritually mature at such a young age. If anything, it is the opposite. We are making up for lost time with our sweet girl, she doesn't have any verses memorized, she barely knows any concrete stories from the bible, and our family devotional times are often chaotic and full of disorder with three littles running around. I'm the mom who drops my child off at Awanas with a guilty conscience because she doesn't have her verse ready for her Cubbies teacher and it's my fault. I can even tell you that not 10 seconds after those sweet words came out of her mouth last night in the car, she told me quite matter of factly, "Jesus is in the car with us. I just ate him." So, my four year old is not a theological prodigy by any means.

However, I have been pondering her words all day today and have felt a stirring in my heart. I truly believe that in that moment a four year old little girl was enthralled and amazed by the God of the universe. The moment may not have lasted long and her silliness may have kicked in pretty quick, but the simple humility in her voice gave me the impression that she was amazed by Creator God. All of the things we were discussing that God created were so cool to her and for a split second it was like she took it all in and all she wanted was to see and know Jesus.

We live in a society where parenting is a game. Who can have the smartest kid, who can have the kid that wins the most awards, or whose kids picture on Facebook gets the most likes. We display our daily lives on social media often times to gain accolades, make ourselves look better to the outside world, and even make ourselves feel like we are better than we really are. We compete with each other, even if it is subconsciously. Beyond being known by the world, we want our kids to be involved with every activity under the sun, even if it means driving ourselves crazy, spending too many hours of the week in the car, and compromising family time. Basketball, cheerleading, dance, soccer, so on and so on. We buy and buy, give and give, enroll and enroll. All for the sake of giving our kids anything and everything they could ever possibly dream of or want. It's the society we live in, the generation that has evolved, and the mindset that is spreading through our culture. I'm guilty of it and hopefully you're honest enough to admit that you are too. A lot of these things aren't bad in and of themselves, but when you put them altogether at the level that we have taken them to, you come out with an overworked, tired, messy family that you never intended to be.

"I want Jesus."

As parents, I think it's time that we take a step back and evaluate our desires and the desires of our children. When it boils down to it, there is a hole in our lives that we are trying to fill with all of these "things." The desire of our hearts is to fill that hole and to put something in where we see something is missing. So we throw out a post about how much we worked out, what an amazing meal we cooked, and how awesome of a student our kid is in hopes that someone will tell us how awesome we are and boost our confidence. When you get down to the heart of the matter, that hole isn't in need of likes or shares, encouraging comments or awe of other people. It's desiring love and acceptance, fulfillment and confidence. We desire to be built up and fought for, encouraged and acknowledged, supported and represented. We desire to be known. When you take all of the fluff and excess out of our lives, the true cry of our hearts is a simple phrase like my blonde-headed beauty voiced last night: "I want Jesus." We may not realize that He is who we are desiring, but He is the one stirring our hearts and whispering to us that there is more. He's the one putting on lightning storms that catch our eye and make us think about where they came from. In the same way, He is the one who is stirring in the hearts of our children, making them aware that they need something more. They don't need to be involved in every activity, they don't need the latest styles or the hottest new piece of technology in order to be fulfilled. They don't need parents who compete against each other for parent of the year. Soccer and cheerleading, toys and clothes, likes and shares won't cut it when it comes to filling their days with joy. And it is our calling and our job to lead them to Him so that they can come to know the God who their hearts are longing for.

But how? How do we lead them in a way that they can find the simplicity that is having faith in Jesus in the midst of a world of excess? My heart is convicted about this. I often times feel that I have to have this flawless devotional time planned in order for my kids to see Jesus. Sometimes I fear that I will say the wrong thing or completely mess up in teaching the bible to my children. I see other kids who spit out memory verses or can retell bible stories and I immediately go to Pinterest looking for ideas and activities that I can use to build my child's biblical knowledge. I find myself once again in that place of competing with other parents and trying to put myself back on top. Too often, I miss Jesus even in this: in discipling through parenting. He doesn't call me to be a perfect mom with a perfect plan and a perfect family bible study time. He calls me to talk to my babies about Him and tell them how He has worked in my life. He calls me to act like Him when I am stressed and overwhelmed and don't want to be joyful. He calls me to tell my kids where I see Him and how He blesses me in every day moments. He calls me to come to the place where I can simply say: "I want Jesus."

My sweet babies will one day be bombarded by the craziness that is the world we live in. Their innocence will fade, their desires will be clouded, they will have distractions fighting for their attention and it will be even harder for them than it is for us to simply say, "I want Jesus." My hope is that the more that I can humble myself, push away the desires of this world, and simply want Jesus, my children will in turn come to see that the most important desire that they could ever pursue is to want Jesus and only Jesus.