After teaching for 6 months, I am realizing that God probably put me in a classroom full of 22 six and seven year olds because He knew I needed to learn some very basic lessons within the complexity level of First Grade. I suppose I wasn't made to learn lessons in more mature settings. However, since Jesus desired for us to grow more like children in our faith, I'll go with it!
I continue to learn new things from my 22 kiddos every day. These lessons aren't always fun to learn at the time, however. My patience and nerves are usually shot by the end. Most of these life lessons come in the forms of arguments between kids. Sometimes I get so frustrated when I have to remind them of the same things over and over. I want to ask them, "Don't you get this??" But it sure is funny when the moment comes and I realize that my Teacher would probably like to look at me and say, "Don't you get this??" Thankfully, in God's sovereignty, He has a plan for my slip-ups and sees beyond my moment of failure.
All week we have experienced a reoccurring theme in our classroom. Someone does something wrong and that someone blames someone else for making that someone do it. This is a popular happening with six and seven year olds. Excuses go flying and everyone is "blameless." One of my little boys struggled with this all week. Early in the week he got in trouble for continuously talking while I was trying to teach. I had warned him several times and then finally had to have him and the boy he was talking to power down for not changing their behaviors. The main little boy was distraught over this and just kept telling me, "He was talking to me! He was making me talk!" I quickly had to ask him (as gracefully as possible), "Does he control your lips? Does me make your lips move?" Of course the answer was obvious. I then had to explain to him that no one can make him do anything. He has to make the choice to do what he knows is right even when someone else is tempting him to do what is wrong.
Later in the day this same little boy ran into another situation that was very similar to his talking episode. We were walking down the hall when I turned around to see him hit a girl in the head with a paper book. Now, I realize it is paper. However, it made a loud pop and looked a little painful. The girl was fine, but I was appalled. I could not believe that he was continuing in his poor choices and even hitting a girl. I pulled him aside to discuss the matter and his first words were, "She hit me first! It wasn't my fault!"It seemed like I just could not get it through to him that blaming someone else for his actions wasn't going to cut it. I could not get through to him that he chooses whether he is going to respond positively or negatively to a bad situation.
Of course God was using that little boy to teach me more than using me to teach him as I figured out Wednesday night. That afternoon had been full of energetic kids who desperately needed to let all of their energy out, but couldn't because of the downpour of rain. On top of the high energy levels, I had a lot of work and preparation to do for several big observations coming up soon. I didn't leave work until 6:15, I was starving, and had to go straight to the church to be on time for youth. I was so exhausted that I honestly felt like just going home. However, I knew I could use the encouragement of fellowship and the Word to help my bad mood that had developed throughout the afternoon. Instead, my bad mood escalated when I got mad at Nathan for something so little that just happened to slip into the radar of my negativity. I'm not the sweetest person when I get mad, so I was very rude and blamed my frustrations on Nathan. I told him as much later that night and thankfully he is much wiser than me. He responded in the most humble and honest way, which almost made me more mad! That he could respond to my bad choices of anger with humility and kindness blew my mind.
Later my mind flew back to my guilty little boy from school. My heart sank. I was just like this six year old boy. I had made the choice to be in a bad mood and take it out on Nathan. I tried to blame my poor behavior on him, when really I had made the choice to be in a bad mood. I had allowed the less desirable moments of the day bombard my attitude. There was no one else to blame but myself. I realized that, just like I had told my student the day before, no one makes my lips move. No one makes my face create awful looks. No one makes my attitude plummet. I do. I choose how I will respond. Simple as that.
How quick are we to blame others for our mistakes or our awful attitudes? How often do we fail to take responsibility for our poor words, attitudes, and actions? How quick are we to point the finger to get it away from ourselves? No one makes us do anything. The choice is ours.
"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life..." Deuteronomy 30:19
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
1st Grade Theology
I learned last spring while I was student teaching that there would be many lessons that God would reveal to me through the little lives that He put in my classroom every day. I suppose that since Jesus delighted in children so much in the Bible that often times He chooses to teach me through them instead of teaching them through me. I absolutely love the children God has placed in my classroom this year. I have had a few come and a few go, but as of right now I have 22 students--16 boys and 6 girls. Yes, I (and my 6 sweet girls) covet your prayers on a daily basis :)
With the boy to girl ratio in my classroom, there is NEVER a dull moment. Someone always has a story to tell, an illness that needs to be cured, a booboo from getting hit, a joke to tell, a fight to be settled, a shoe that needs to be tied, a question to be asked, and the list goes on and on. I come home every day with a thousand stories to tell Nathan and he always knows which kids to ask me about, knowing that they had to have done something interesting that day. I love it.
Many of the lessons God has already taught me through these 6 and 7 year olds have been straight-forward, black and white, convicting lessons. To have such sweet little children be the vessel through which He teaches me makes it even clearer when He's trying to get my attention. Though I have felt guilty at times by the realization of areas that need to be changed, it is always refreshing and I am always so thankful that God is using these kids in my life way more than He's using me in their lives. So at the end of the day, I usually feel very at peace with what I've seen and learned.
However, yesterday was a bit of a different story. We were pushing chairs in, putting backpacks on, chatting about the weekend, and lining up to go home when I remembered I needed to grab something off of my desk. Everyone was lined up at the door and as I turned around and walked back to my desk, I noticed one of my adorable students standing behind my desk. I gave the child a smile and a funny look and said,"What are you doing over there?" No response. I walked closer and asked again. Still no response, but this time there was a bug-eyed smile. I repeated the question again and in response she held up her backpack. As the backpack was being held up, I caught a glimpse of a page of stickers in the other hand. At just that moment the stickers fell to the ground and the she continued holding the backpack in the air. I walked around this very guilty looking child, knowing what had happened. I sat down in my chair and picked the stickers up off of the floor. I looked into her big blue eyes and asked, "Where did these stickers come from?" Silence. So, I proceeded to spend 3 or 4 minutes asking many questions like, "How did these stickers get out of my drawer?" and "Why were you behind my desk?". (The kids know that they have their space and I have my space and that they are not allowed to be behind my desk without permission.) I continued to question her in a very tender and calm way, hoping that she would see that I was not angry or mad, but only looking for the truth. I was very kind in the way I approached her and reminded her that admitting what she did and being honest is always better than not telling the truth. She began to cry and repeat over and over "I didn't do it!" And that's when my heart sunk. My eyes filled with tears. If it wasn't for the fact that she had to be on the bus in 3 minutes, I would have cried with her.
My heart sunk and I wanted to cry my eyes out because I realized in that moment that this sweet little girl had sinned. Now, please don't think I am being extreme here; I do have a point. This little girl had taken a page of stickers out of my drawer without permission and then proceeded to lie about it. I tried to be so graceful in talking with her hoping that she would see that the truth is always better than a lie. However, she didn't. She didn't want to admit she was wrong because she knew there were consequences coming. In that moment, as I stared into her eyes and saw how hard she was trying to hold on to innocence and convince me she hadn't done anything wrong, I was heartbroken because I was reminded of the depravity in which we are when we don't know Jesus.
The Bible is full of scripture that reminds us of what we are without Christ:
We were born into sin. We are sinful people by nature. We are dead in our sins and transgressions. We live in darkness. We are lost. We are lonely. We are in need. And that need is for forgiveness that only comes through a Savior. What struck me during this conversation with my unswerving student was that before we can be forgiven, before we can be healed, before we can be renewed and given new life, we have to acknowledge our need. My sweet little girl could not come to grips with her mistake. She didn't want to acknowledge what she had done for many different reasons. It broke my heart because she didn't see her fault. She didn't see her need. But I did. I saw her mistake. I saw her need. And I couldn't do anything about it. I was helpless before her because in that moment, nothing I could have said would have convinced her that the truth was better.
24 hours later I am still thinking about her and the stickers. Not because the stickers were a big deal, but because I want her to know Jesus. After telling Nathan the story last night, we talked about what it will be like one day when our own children make mistakes. When they steal, tell a lie, or sin in some other way. When we sit down to talk about what they've done, they will most likely deny their failures at least once, if not many, many times. How painful will it be to sit and look into their eyes and know that they don't see their sin. They don't see their need. And know at the same time, we cannot convince them. Only God can change their hearts.
So, what has God shown me through this day in the classroom? Pray, pray, pray for the kids in my class. I want them to know Jesus so badly. Pray for my own children that I don't even have yet. That God would work in their lives every day, even as they are young children figuring out right and wrong. Lead my children by example. When I am caught in sin and I continue in sin without acknowledging where I have gone wrong, my kids will learn from me and do the same. I pray even now that the Holy Spirit would give me grace to confess my sins and run away from them in order to seek Jesus. He is light. He is life. He is truth. He is better.
With the boy to girl ratio in my classroom, there is NEVER a dull moment. Someone always has a story to tell, an illness that needs to be cured, a booboo from getting hit, a joke to tell, a fight to be settled, a shoe that needs to be tied, a question to be asked, and the list goes on and on. I come home every day with a thousand stories to tell Nathan and he always knows which kids to ask me about, knowing that they had to have done something interesting that day. I love it.
Many of the lessons God has already taught me through these 6 and 7 year olds have been straight-forward, black and white, convicting lessons. To have such sweet little children be the vessel through which He teaches me makes it even clearer when He's trying to get my attention. Though I have felt guilty at times by the realization of areas that need to be changed, it is always refreshing and I am always so thankful that God is using these kids in my life way more than He's using me in their lives. So at the end of the day, I usually feel very at peace with what I've seen and learned.
However, yesterday was a bit of a different story. We were pushing chairs in, putting backpacks on, chatting about the weekend, and lining up to go home when I remembered I needed to grab something off of my desk. Everyone was lined up at the door and as I turned around and walked back to my desk, I noticed one of my adorable students standing behind my desk. I gave the child a smile and a funny look and said,"What are you doing over there?" No response. I walked closer and asked again. Still no response, but this time there was a bug-eyed smile. I repeated the question again and in response she held up her backpack. As the backpack was being held up, I caught a glimpse of a page of stickers in the other hand. At just that moment the stickers fell to the ground and the she continued holding the backpack in the air. I walked around this very guilty looking child, knowing what had happened. I sat down in my chair and picked the stickers up off of the floor. I looked into her big blue eyes and asked, "Where did these stickers come from?" Silence. So, I proceeded to spend 3 or 4 minutes asking many questions like, "How did these stickers get out of my drawer?" and "Why were you behind my desk?". (The kids know that they have their space and I have my space and that they are not allowed to be behind my desk without permission.) I continued to question her in a very tender and calm way, hoping that she would see that I was not angry or mad, but only looking for the truth. I was very kind in the way I approached her and reminded her that admitting what she did and being honest is always better than not telling the truth. She began to cry and repeat over and over "I didn't do it!" And that's when my heart sunk. My eyes filled with tears. If it wasn't for the fact that she had to be on the bus in 3 minutes, I would have cried with her.
My heart sunk and I wanted to cry my eyes out because I realized in that moment that this sweet little girl had sinned. Now, please don't think I am being extreme here; I do have a point. This little girl had taken a page of stickers out of my drawer without permission and then proceeded to lie about it. I tried to be so graceful in talking with her hoping that she would see that the truth is always better than a lie. However, she didn't. She didn't want to admit she was wrong because she knew there were consequences coming. In that moment, as I stared into her eyes and saw how hard she was trying to hold on to innocence and convince me she hadn't done anything wrong, I was heartbroken because I was reminded of the depravity in which we are when we don't know Jesus.
The Bible is full of scripture that reminds us of what we are without Christ:
"Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me." Psalm 51:5
"I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature." -Romans 8:18
"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is not at work in those who are disobedient." -Ephesians 2:1-2
"There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God." Romans 3:10-11
"...For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23
We were born into sin. We are sinful people by nature. We are dead in our sins and transgressions. We live in darkness. We are lost. We are lonely. We are in need. And that need is for forgiveness that only comes through a Savior. What struck me during this conversation with my unswerving student was that before we can be forgiven, before we can be healed, before we can be renewed and given new life, we have to acknowledge our need. My sweet little girl could not come to grips with her mistake. She didn't want to acknowledge what she had done for many different reasons. It broke my heart because she didn't see her fault. She didn't see her need. But I did. I saw her mistake. I saw her need. And I couldn't do anything about it. I was helpless before her because in that moment, nothing I could have said would have convinced her that the truth was better.
24 hours later I am still thinking about her and the stickers. Not because the stickers were a big deal, but because I want her to know Jesus. After telling Nathan the story last night, we talked about what it will be like one day when our own children make mistakes. When they steal, tell a lie, or sin in some other way. When we sit down to talk about what they've done, they will most likely deny their failures at least once, if not many, many times. How painful will it be to sit and look into their eyes and know that they don't see their sin. They don't see their need. And know at the same time, we cannot convince them. Only God can change their hearts.
So, what has God shown me through this day in the classroom? Pray, pray, pray for the kids in my class. I want them to know Jesus so badly. Pray for my own children that I don't even have yet. That God would work in their lives every day, even as they are young children figuring out right and wrong. Lead my children by example. When I am caught in sin and I continue in sin without acknowledging where I have gone wrong, my kids will learn from me and do the same. I pray even now that the Holy Spirit would give me grace to confess my sins and run away from them in order to seek Jesus. He is light. He is life. He is truth. He is better.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Your Spiritual Act of Worship
I absolutely love to blog. However, I rarely make time to sit down and do it! I'm hoping that with this New Year MAYBE I'll get better at it :)
My heart is full. God has blessed and is still blessing daily. Nathan and I had an amazing first Christmas together and are so thankful that we were able to visit all of our family over the break. With the holidays over, excitement is building for the coming days! We are thrilled about this new season that God is carrying us into and cannot wait to see where 2012 leads!
2012 has already brought many changes around the Brewer home. School has begun for Nathan, I am knee deep into teaching my kiddos, and we have begun our ministry at Conway's First Baptist Church. Nathan is the new worship leader for The Burn, FBC's youth, and Thrive, a new contemporary service on Sunday mornings. Change is hard sometimes, but it can also be full of unbelievable joy and peace. I am so thankful for the way God has provided for us in this new transition. We miss our church family at Antioch, but God has stepped in and allowed us to already begin building strong relationships in our new home. I am amazed every day at His provision and plan.
Along with feeling overwhelmed with blessings over the past month, I have also been wrapped up in many thoughts. A few weeks ago I came upon a few verses in Romans that set me back and humbled me. They looked straight at me and bombarded my pride. They set straight any thought that believed I had control of my life. They clearly revealed pieces of God's character that I tend to overlook at times.
"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay Him? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen." --Romans 11:33-36
There is so much power in these words! Even while I was writing them and thinking about their depth and power, I was struck with a fear that only Satan could have been behind. This Word is so living and active that just by reading it and proclaiming it, Satan is threatened. Praise God for His victorious Word that helps us in our times of weakness and battle!
These four verses encompass the most amazing traits of God. He is beyond understanding in ways--His understanding has no end and His ways are beyond our understanding because He sees all! He is the God who sees us right where we are at any given moment, but He is also the God who knows what is to come like He knows what happened yesterday. No one has or ever will be enough for God--He needs no completion. He is all complete, filled, and whole. And the most amazing part to me that leaves me in awe is that EVERYTHING is from Him, EVERYTHING comes through Him, and EVERYTHING is to Him. Nothing that is or happens or exists is unknown to Him. Everything, every little detail is to honor and glorify Him. This includes the little things that we may not consider spiritual, as well as difficult and challenging things that cause many critics of God Most High to ask how a loving God could allow. Everything is for His glory, so that He may be known by all.
Many times in the Bible we see the word "therefore." I love this word. I am your typical Type A personality. I require direct instructions in order to follow a task. Any time we see "therefore" we know there are explicit instructions coming. This passage in Romans is no exception. Paul tells us and reminds us of God's sovereignty and His power above all. And then He comes in to tell us that BECAUSE OF the Way God reigns in our lives, there is something that we should do.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing, and perfect will." --Romans 12:1-2
These two verses are very well-known to many Christians. The challenge that these words present calls us to abandon the ways of this world, be transformed into Christ's likeness, and offer ourselves as sacrifices for God to use to bring His name glory. We know this challenge, but do we take in the full magnitude or just shrug it off? I realized that I had never read all six of these verses together at one time. When I did, it completely changed my view of this calling. Because of the abundant mercy that God has shown me, because of the grace He has poured out on me--not because I deserve it or because He needs me, but because He loves me and wants me--there is nothing else I can do but give myself completely to Him and say "yes" to Him. "Yes" to whatever it is He wants to do with me. This is so much easier said than done. It's so easy for me to say, "Yes Lord, use me and do whatever you want," but still live by my own ways. But this is where verse 2 comes in--"Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." This renewal comes only through time with Jesus every day, many times a day.
It was not coincidence that as God laid these verses on my heart and began opening my eyes to His will for me to lose more of me and gain all of Him that He was also having me read Kisses From Katie.
My heart is full. God has blessed and is still blessing daily. Nathan and I had an amazing first Christmas together and are so thankful that we were able to visit all of our family over the break. With the holidays over, excitement is building for the coming days! We are thrilled about this new season that God is carrying us into and cannot wait to see where 2012 leads!
2012 has already brought many changes around the Brewer home. School has begun for Nathan, I am knee deep into teaching my kiddos, and we have begun our ministry at Conway's First Baptist Church. Nathan is the new worship leader for The Burn, FBC's youth, and Thrive, a new contemporary service on Sunday mornings. Change is hard sometimes, but it can also be full of unbelievable joy and peace. I am so thankful for the way God has provided for us in this new transition. We miss our church family at Antioch, but God has stepped in and allowed us to already begin building strong relationships in our new home. I am amazed every day at His provision and plan.
Along with feeling overwhelmed with blessings over the past month, I have also been wrapped up in many thoughts. A few weeks ago I came upon a few verses in Romans that set me back and humbled me. They looked straight at me and bombarded my pride. They set straight any thought that believed I had control of my life. They clearly revealed pieces of God's character that I tend to overlook at times.
"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay Him? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen." --Romans 11:33-36
There is so much power in these words! Even while I was writing them and thinking about their depth and power, I was struck with a fear that only Satan could have been behind. This Word is so living and active that just by reading it and proclaiming it, Satan is threatened. Praise God for His victorious Word that helps us in our times of weakness and battle!
These four verses encompass the most amazing traits of God. He is beyond understanding in ways--His understanding has no end and His ways are beyond our understanding because He sees all! He is the God who sees us right where we are at any given moment, but He is also the God who knows what is to come like He knows what happened yesterday. No one has or ever will be enough for God--He needs no completion. He is all complete, filled, and whole. And the most amazing part to me that leaves me in awe is that EVERYTHING is from Him, EVERYTHING comes through Him, and EVERYTHING is to Him. Nothing that is or happens or exists is unknown to Him. Everything, every little detail is to honor and glorify Him. This includes the little things that we may not consider spiritual, as well as difficult and challenging things that cause many critics of God Most High to ask how a loving God could allow. Everything is for His glory, so that He may be known by all.
Many times in the Bible we see the word "therefore." I love this word. I am your typical Type A personality. I require direct instructions in order to follow a task. Any time we see "therefore" we know there are explicit instructions coming. This passage in Romans is no exception. Paul tells us and reminds us of God's sovereignty and His power above all. And then He comes in to tell us that BECAUSE OF the Way God reigns in our lives, there is something that we should do.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing, and perfect will." --Romans 12:1-2
These two verses are very well-known to many Christians. The challenge that these words present calls us to abandon the ways of this world, be transformed into Christ's likeness, and offer ourselves as sacrifices for God to use to bring His name glory. We know this challenge, but do we take in the full magnitude or just shrug it off? I realized that I had never read all six of these verses together at one time. When I did, it completely changed my view of this calling. Because of the abundant mercy that God has shown me, because of the grace He has poured out on me--not because I deserve it or because He needs me, but because He loves me and wants me--there is nothing else I can do but give myself completely to Him and say "yes" to Him. "Yes" to whatever it is He wants to do with me. This is so much easier said than done. It's so easy for me to say, "Yes Lord, use me and do whatever you want," but still live by my own ways. But this is where verse 2 comes in--"Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." This renewal comes only through time with Jesus every day, many times a day.
It was not coincidence that as God laid these verses on my heart and began opening my eyes to His will for me to lose more of me and gain all of Him that He was also having me read Kisses From Katie.
This book was written by a 23 year-old missionary in Uganda. Katie moved to Uganda right out of high school to serve and minister to the lowest of lows in Uganda. In the 4-5 years that she has been there she has started her own ministry called Amazima, which sponsors 400+ children, allowing them to have food, school supplies, school fees and basic necessities. She has had the opportunity to help feed 1,500+ people in a remote village that many people consider to be untouchables. In addition, she began a program within this village that allows for women to escape prostitution and the making of alcohol in order to make a living that supports their families. These women create amazing beaded necklaces that are sold through Katie's ministry. On top of all of these ways of outreach, Katie has 13 adopted Ugandan daughters. All at the age of 23. At first I was so amazed that I wanted to honor her and pat her on the back for giving up her comfortable life and living in filth in order to spread the name of Jesus to hopeless and dying people. But remember Romans 12? "This is your spiritual act of worship."
I am so thankful for the timing in which Katie's story came into my life. It is such a beautiful picture of Romans 12:1-2 and allows me to see exactly what Paul is saying. Does this mean that everyone should up and move to Uganda? I don't think it does. Paul tells us to say "yes,", to be transformed, and to be renewed. THEN, we will know what God's will is for our specific lives and what it is that He is calling us to do as our "spiritual act of worship."
I don't have a clue what God is going to ask me to do in my life. The idea of giving everything away and moving to minister to the "least of these" is something that intrigues me more than ever. Taking children in as my own and showing them the love that Christ has shown me is a deep desire. Many of you know how deeply Nathan and I feel called to adoption and we are praying even now for God's direction in that. We don't know when, from where, or how it will happen, but we are praying for our future in bringing home children and teaching them about the Hope that can be theirs. I am so eager to jump right into that, but I am also eager to be obedient right now, right where He has us. I praise God for the blessing of being a wife. I praise God for the opportunity to serve at First Baptist. I praise God for the opportunity to walk into a classroom full of 22 children every day and teach them and love on them. This is where God has me. This is where I desire to live out my "spiritual act of worship."
Where is your "spiritual act of worship" being lived out? Wherever it is, whatever you're doing, whoever you're surrounded by: be transformed, be renewed, and live out your life as worship unto The One who is above all.
To find out more information about Katie Davis' ministry in Uganda visit:
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Blessings of Finding Home Sweet Home
Believe it or not, I am still alive. My blog would tell the world that I disappeared. However, life has taken over and kept me quite busy this semester! I have been student teaching in a Kindergarten class since January and have loved the experience! The kids in my class are joys to see every day and have made sure to keep me energized! On top of student teaching, we have been planning for the wedding, which is June 18th--2 months from yesterday! I cannot believe how fast time has gone by! We are so excited and are right in the middle of all of the major planning for life after the wedding!
For the past month or so, we have been praying very diligently about where God wants us to be after we are married. Nathan is originally from Oklahoma and I am from Conway. We both love both places and consider them both home, to be honest. I will be graduating here in two and a half weeks and, Lord willing, will be teaching in the fall. Nathan will still have a little bit of school left, but is planning on going into ministry wherever God leads. Though he still has some school left to finish, we have spent the last month knowing that I would not be tied here and that moving to Oklahoma to serve in ministry could be a possibility. We both love his home church there and love the people and really have a heart for what God is doing in that area. At the same time, we know that it would be wise for Nathan to finish school here. All of our pros and cons have weighed back and forth and we have prayed that God would reveal to us where HE wants us to be, not where WE want to be. I was getting to the point of worrying because time is ticking away and we still were even sure what state we would be living in after we were married. Thankfully, God began stirring our hearts last week and helping us see a small glimpse of His plan for us. He gave us a peace and a sense of guidance that for right now, we need to be in Conway. Nathan will finish school and I am hoping to be teaching in this area in the fall.
So after making this very big decision, we began looking at houses again. We had started looking at houses last month, but God closed a few doors and showed us that we needed to keep looking. The funny thing is, we didn't look for very long! We spent all afternoon yesterday driving around to every neighborhood that we could possibly think of to find a house to call home. We saw a few that were possibilities, but at the end of our search, we found the cutest, most perfect house for us. It was For Sale By Owner, so Nathan called the number to get information about it. The guy answered and informed Nathan that he was actually walking some flyers out and that we were welcome to grab one. As we talked to him, he told us that we could come in and look around if we wanted to. I was thrilled!! We walked in and I instantly knew that this could very well be home. We looked around and talked to the couple for a little while and then decided that we needed a second opinion! As first time homebuyers, we don't know a whole lot about the process, so my parents are teaching us and guiding us along the way! Mom came right over and she loved it too! So, the only one left was dad. We went home and had dinner and then went back to look at the house a third time! This couple was so sweet to allow us to just take over their night! We ended to visit agreeing to pray about the decision and be in touch soon.
Now, I have crazy dreams. I don't know why, but I am known for having the weirdest dreams. However, last night my dreams weren't weird at all! They were wonderful dreams about the house! I woke up so excited about it! On my way to school, I stopped by CBC and left Nathan a note on his truck that said: "I think this might just be the one..." We both knew that it was perfect and we felt a peace that we were ready to move forward! So, this evening, we went back over with my parents, took a final walk through, and made an offer. I know this sounds extremely fast and rushed, but we are on a bit of a short time schedule. With getting married in 2 months, we have less than 8 weeks for all of the paperwork and closing procedures to go through. So, finding the perfect house with such a short time frame was such a blessing and we could not pass it up! The couple was on board with our offer and accepted it right away!
Here are a few pictures of our soon to be home!
For the past month or so, we have been praying very diligently about where God wants us to be after we are married. Nathan is originally from Oklahoma and I am from Conway. We both love both places and consider them both home, to be honest. I will be graduating here in two and a half weeks and, Lord willing, will be teaching in the fall. Nathan will still have a little bit of school left, but is planning on going into ministry wherever God leads. Though he still has some school left to finish, we have spent the last month knowing that I would not be tied here and that moving to Oklahoma to serve in ministry could be a possibility. We both love his home church there and love the people and really have a heart for what God is doing in that area. At the same time, we know that it would be wise for Nathan to finish school here. All of our pros and cons have weighed back and forth and we have prayed that God would reveal to us where HE wants us to be, not where WE want to be. I was getting to the point of worrying because time is ticking away and we still were even sure what state we would be living in after we were married. Thankfully, God began stirring our hearts last week and helping us see a small glimpse of His plan for us. He gave us a peace and a sense of guidance that for right now, we need to be in Conway. Nathan will finish school and I am hoping to be teaching in this area in the fall.
So after making this very big decision, we began looking at houses again. We had started looking at houses last month, but God closed a few doors and showed us that we needed to keep looking. The funny thing is, we didn't look for very long! We spent all afternoon yesterday driving around to every neighborhood that we could possibly think of to find a house to call home. We saw a few that were possibilities, but at the end of our search, we found the cutest, most perfect house for us. It was For Sale By Owner, so Nathan called the number to get information about it. The guy answered and informed Nathan that he was actually walking some flyers out and that we were welcome to grab one. As we talked to him, he told us that we could come in and look around if we wanted to. I was thrilled!! We walked in and I instantly knew that this could very well be home. We looked around and talked to the couple for a little while and then decided that we needed a second opinion! As first time homebuyers, we don't know a whole lot about the process, so my parents are teaching us and guiding us along the way! Mom came right over and she loved it too! So, the only one left was dad. We went home and had dinner and then went back to look at the house a third time! This couple was so sweet to allow us to just take over their night! We ended to visit agreeing to pray about the decision and be in touch soon.
Now, I have crazy dreams. I don't know why, but I am known for having the weirdest dreams. However, last night my dreams weren't weird at all! They were wonderful dreams about the house! I woke up so excited about it! On my way to school, I stopped by CBC and left Nathan a note on his truck that said: "I think this might just be the one..." We both knew that it was perfect and we felt a peace that we were ready to move forward! So, this evening, we went back over with my parents, took a final walk through, and made an offer. I know this sounds extremely fast and rushed, but we are on a bit of a short time schedule. With getting married in 2 months, we have less than 8 weeks for all of the paperwork and closing procedures to go through. So, finding the perfect house with such a short time frame was such a blessing and we could not pass it up! The couple was on board with our offer and accepted it right away!
Here are a few pictures of our soon to be home!
My dad was helping us check everything out!
This is the entry way, as you walk in the front door!
View of the living room from the kitchen.
The Kitchen!
Dining area attached to the kitchen!
View from the back of the dining area.
The Backyard!
View of the back of the house!
Nathan signing our Offer Agreement! We felt so grown up :)
The owner even let us take the For Sale sign down for him :)
More pictures to come in the upcoming months! We will be closing on the house June 2! Just enough time to get everything moved in before the wedding! We are so excited about this new chapter in life. It is so exciting to see how God is just answering prayers, closing doors, opening doors, and leading us all along the way! We can't wait to move in and make it our own after the big day in June!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Save The Date!
Wedding plans are in full motion! Mom and I have been trying to get as much done before school starts as we can and I think we have made great progress! One of the biggest tasks, to me, was getting the Save The Date cards mailed out before I went back to school. So, on Wednesday afternoon, Nathan and I went to Lifeword to meet Nick Jacobsen. Nick is so creative and helpful with pictures and ideas, so he helped us, the non-creative ones, come up with a cool idea! We had originally planned on going to the rooftop of Michael Angelo's at sunset. However, that day just happened to be one of the coldest days all week! I was kind of stressing, not really sure what we were going to do. But of course, Nick saved the day! The idea was to set the date and time on Nathan's iphone to be for June 18th at 1:00, like our actual Wedding Date. Then we sent a message to Nathan's phone with the other info! Nick set us up next to a really pretty, random red wall at Lifeword and took some really awesome shots of Nathan and I blurred out and the iphone up close and in focus. I absolutely loved them!!
Nick got them all set up so quickly and Mom and Dad got them printed and we were ready to get them all stuffed, sealed, addressed, stamped, and in the mail! Nathan and I spent all day Saturday stuffing envelopes, putting address labels on them, and I just finished sealing them! So tomorrow, they go out in the mail! I'm just so excited to be sending out the first of the invitations! Here are a few photos from our day!
Nathan was so very helpful and so willing to do what he could, even after being sick this week! I am so blessed that he didn't mind helping me stuff them all!
We had an assembly line system going on! Thankfully, we work well together :)
Mom and Dad napped while we worked!
Almost done!
We had a wonderful weekend. Nathan and I were able to spend the whole weekend together, talking about the wedding and married life! It was a huge blessing and much needed because of the busy, stressful semester that is ahead. I start student teaching on Tuesday and I know that it will be very busy and leave little time to hang out like normal. I am so very excited about student teaching, but I do realize how different the next 4 months will be compared to what I have been used to! I'm sure there will be many updates about how it goes! If you think about it, pray for me this week during my first week with the kids! I want to impact them and leave a mark on their lives, while learning all I can about being the greatest teacher I can be.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Forgetting God
The week before Christmas, God laid something on my heart that really convicted me more than anything has lately. I was in a really weird state of mind, kind of going through the motions and feeling distant in a lot of ways, but especially distant from God. This was so odd to me because the past month had been the most amazing month of my life: I got engaged, Nathan and I both celebrated birthdays, I finished up school very successfully, I was able to spend a whole lot of time with my family, I was becoming even more aware of how surrounded I was by people who cared about me, and it was Christmastime. I had been completely surrounded by blessings and gifts of joy, yet I felt distant and confused as to why I was so withdrawn from God, why I wasn't spending time in His Word like I usually do, why I didn't feel His presence the way I thought I should. There was no reason not to--life was moving forward with wedding plans and anticipation of becoming a wife and planning my dream wedding and my dream life with my best friend. However, my spiritual life could easily be evaluated by looking through my journal and seeing that I had not written in it in 17 days. Now, I am a journaler. I have a journal for everything and usually keep 3 or 4 going at a time. I don't like to miss out on anything because I always want to remember everything. So to see that I had not written in 17 days was a very big deal. I sat and looked at that journal and wondered what was going on with me. God had blessed me immeasurably more than I could have ever asked or imagined. And then it hit me: What have I done in return?
I sat and thought about myself for a few minutes. My focus over that past month had been given to other things. I had glanced away from God and taken a more me-centered focus. But this thought puzzled me even more: How could I feel so far away from God when He was obviously right in the middle of my life, orchestrating the most beautiful days I've ever had. Of course, moments of confusion and discouragement like these tend to make us look at our salvation and question where we stand. I know without a shadow of a doubt that these are moments when Satan attempts to weazle his way in and feed us lies. I quickly thanked God that He had indeed saved me and forgiven me for my failures, even the failures I was experiencing at that very moment. However, this didn't answer my questions of why I was standing where I was. I felt awkward as I attempted to ask God and seek out His answers. Awkward like the awkwardness between two friends who haven't talked in a while. I wasn't sure if God was ok with me talking to Him or if I even deserved to be spending time with Him. But, I knew in my heart that nothing could separate me from Him. He looks at me through blood-stained eyes to see a white as snow, innocent girl. So, despite my hesitance, I dove right in and spent the most refreshing 2 hours with Him. This 2 hours began with a text message from a very inspirational girl from our youth group.
Earlier in the night Katie Hansen had sent me a nightly verse and piece of encouragement. I had gotten busy and never sat down to read it. So as I pulled my Bible and Journal out, I opened her God-ordained message that included the following words of wisdom:
"When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me." Hosea 13:6...."Francis Chan said, ' It's easy to fill ourselves up with other things and then give God whatever is left.' He is so right! Don't give God the scraps!"
I couldn't have been more thankful for Katie and the way God was speaking to her heart and through her heart in that moment. He gave her those words and knew that she would not keep them to herself, but share them so that those closest to her would not forget the Lord. In that one verse, in that one quote, in that one piece of encouragement from Katie, God answered prayers for understanding that I hadn't even muttered, myself. I finally understood what I had been doing: I had been so wrapped up in the good things going on and the good things I was doing that I had forgotten God. My Creator, Savior, and Redeemer...I had forgotten Him. Now, don't get me wrong, all of the blessings and joys I was experiencing were and still are amazing gifts that I cherish! I simply wasn't looking at the giver of those Gifts. I began to understand that He given me exactly what I wanted and needed and I was satisfied. But finding satisfaction brought pride as I consciously or sub-consciously began relying on myself for things I couldn't do. The good things, the blessings, the joys made me appear to not need Him. And I forgot Him. This is why it had been so easy for me to fill myself with other things and spend my time doing everything I wanted, leaving little to no time or relationship for Him. I had been giving Him my lowest of low scraps.
I began exploring that verse from Hosea and ended up in Deuteronomy where similar words were spoken:
I sat and thought about myself for a few minutes. My focus over that past month had been given to other things. I had glanced away from God and taken a more me-centered focus. But this thought puzzled me even more: How could I feel so far away from God when He was obviously right in the middle of my life, orchestrating the most beautiful days I've ever had. Of course, moments of confusion and discouragement like these tend to make us look at our salvation and question where we stand. I know without a shadow of a doubt that these are moments when Satan attempts to weazle his way in and feed us lies. I quickly thanked God that He had indeed saved me and forgiven me for my failures, even the failures I was experiencing at that very moment. However, this didn't answer my questions of why I was standing where I was. I felt awkward as I attempted to ask God and seek out His answers. Awkward like the awkwardness between two friends who haven't talked in a while. I wasn't sure if God was ok with me talking to Him or if I even deserved to be spending time with Him. But, I knew in my heart that nothing could separate me from Him. He looks at me through blood-stained eyes to see a white as snow, innocent girl. So, despite my hesitance, I dove right in and spent the most refreshing 2 hours with Him. This 2 hours began with a text message from a very inspirational girl from our youth group.
Earlier in the night Katie Hansen had sent me a nightly verse and piece of encouragement. I had gotten busy and never sat down to read it. So as I pulled my Bible and Journal out, I opened her God-ordained message that included the following words of wisdom:
"When I fed them, they were satisfied; when they were satisfied, they became proud; then they forgot me." Hosea 13:6...."Francis Chan said, ' It's easy to fill ourselves up with other things and then give God whatever is left.' He is so right! Don't give God the scraps!"
I couldn't have been more thankful for Katie and the way God was speaking to her heart and through her heart in that moment. He gave her those words and knew that she would not keep them to herself, but share them so that those closest to her would not forget the Lord. In that one verse, in that one quote, in that one piece of encouragement from Katie, God answered prayers for understanding that I hadn't even muttered, myself. I finally understood what I had been doing: I had been so wrapped up in the good things going on and the good things I was doing that I had forgotten God. My Creator, Savior, and Redeemer...I had forgotten Him. Now, don't get me wrong, all of the blessings and joys I was experiencing were and still are amazing gifts that I cherish! I simply wasn't looking at the giver of those Gifts. I began to understand that He given me exactly what I wanted and needed and I was satisfied. But finding satisfaction brought pride as I consciously or sub-consciously began relying on myself for things I couldn't do. The good things, the blessings, the joys made me appear to not need Him. And I forgot Him. This is why it had been so easy for me to fill myself with other things and spend my time doing everything I wanted, leaving little to no time or relationship for Him. I had been giving Him my lowest of low scraps.
I began exploring that verse from Hosea and ended up in Deuteronomy where similar words were spoken:
"When the Lord your God brings you into the land He swore to your fathers,
to Abraham, Isaac and jacob, to give you--a land with large,
flourishing cities you did not build, houses filled with all kinds of good
things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and
vineyards and olive groves you did not plant--then when you eat
and are satisfied, be careful that you do not forget the Lord, who
brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."
--Deuteronomy 6:10-12
God had given me provision after provision that I did not plant, create or plan. I had had nothing to do with providing myself with all of these sources of joy. It had been all God. However, I wasn't prepared when they came and I forgot about Him. I forgot to give all of the praise and the focus to Him. I forgot to keep relying on Him even in the most wonderful times. No matter how good those days were or how full of joys and blessings I was, I still needed Him. Even at my greatest, I am still weak and hopeless without Him.
The reminders continued as I read on into Deuteronomy 8 where many of the same things were said plus more. And that specific chapter was even entitled "Do Not Forget the Lord." In this section, God talks about how He had lead His people through all things and provided for them and revealed to them that "man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord (8:3)." I do not live on human means alone, but on every one of His words. This is what He intended: for me to follow Him and rely on Him entirely, without holding back. Even on the good days. And then He continued by telling me that I should obey His commands and revere Him because He is carrying me to a good land and is ready to provide all that I need. He warns me in these verses to praise Him for all the good He has done or else I will take ownership of the good, forget Him, replace Him with other things, and experience my own destruction. And I sure do believe Him in this and know that if He felt like I needed to learn this more concretely, He would step in and make it happen.
So my prayer since that day has been that God would help me to fix my eyes on Him and pull me close to Him as I turn from my cluttered focus and center in on Him. I pray that I will look to Him always as good things come because He has told me that all good things come from Him. And even when life is more full than ever, even when I feel better than I ever have, I still need Him. I have come to realize that just like many other convictions I feel, it is a choice I have to make each morning as I wake up to turn to Him FIRST. That is a choice I want to make every day so that day by day I can be more like Him, looking to Him and not forgetting Him.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Cricut This and Cricut That!
So for Christmas, Santa brought me a Cricut! I was so very excited because I have heard so many wonderful things about them and I love to make cards and scrapbook when I have time. I had also heard that they are great to have as a teacher because of all of the sizes and shapes they can create! So a few days after Christmas, I had to organize and clean out my entire room just to make room for the fun new addition to my room. As I was organizing and rearranging, I came to the realization that I was going to need to get rid of some stuff before I get married or Nathan won't be able to bring anything with him! Anyways, I'm just getting started with using the Cricut, so I haven't gotten too creative yet, but I'm so excited about my beginning creations that I had to share! I've been making divider pages for my Wedding Planning Binder and here are a few! Kind of simple, but I'm still excited about them :)
I still have a few more divider pages to make, but this is what I have so far! This binder has been such a help as we've been planning the wedding! I am such an organized, OCD freak it's not even funny! I have to have things all in place, so this has been wonderful. Mom and I have been able to get a lot of planning done this week and only have a few more things to do for now. Nathan FINALLY comes back to Conway tomorrow, so I have a list of things for us to do this week before school starts back! Everything is coming together very well so far :)
Here is my cute little set-up that was added to house the Cricut. It also helped with my book collection!
This actually wasn't made with the Cricut, but it's the front of my Wedding Planning Binder!
This one is probably one of my favorites!
A few of them have Scrapbook Stickers. I almost like the ones without better!
Sadly, this is my least favorite page. Too many stickers and not enough Cricut magic!
I still have a few more divider pages to make, but this is what I have so far! This binder has been such a help as we've been planning the wedding! I am such an organized, OCD freak it's not even funny! I have to have things all in place, so this has been wonderful. Mom and I have been able to get a lot of planning done this week and only have a few more things to do for now. Nathan FINALLY comes back to Conway tomorrow, so I have a list of things for us to do this week before school starts back! Everything is coming together very well so far :)
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